At the start of 2017 I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. For those who know nothing to very little about it, it's a condition in where your nervous system is on high alert making your brain feel pain when there is no cause for the pain. You can read about how my Fibromyalgia started and how I was diagnosed here.
My condition effects my life in many ways, the one I'll be discussing today is how it makes it hard for me to walk longer than a few minutes.
I first noticed pains in my ankles a few years ago and had physio to strengthen the muscles. The pains started off as just shooting pains however after a few months I noticed I was walking less and less of a distance before the pains started.
I now get excruciating pain in my hips and ankles and after a minute or two, they start to stiffen up until they lock completely. You can imagine how I walk/hobble around!! I also get very out of breath and feel exhausted when walking just a short distance.
For these reasons I was awarded a Blue Badge for parking.
When I received my badge I cried. It was the first "aid" I had received for my disability since being diagnosed. My tears were a mixture of relief because of the help this would provide me with and of realization that I was now considered to be a disabled person at the age of 24.
I made sure that I studied the information booklet that came with the badge as I'm terrified of getting parking tickets!! I still keep the booklet in the car as there's far too much to remember...especially with fibro fog!!
The first time I used it is a moment I'll never forget. I honestly felt like a fraud!! My first time using it was at work. When I walk off from my car, my legs behave fairly normally so people must assume there's nothing wrong with me. When you use a blue badge for the first time, you get this feeling as if you can feel people watching you to judge whether they think you're "disabled enough" and you feel like you should be putting on a show.
When returning to my car, I'm so thankful that I have the badge!! After a long day of moving, my legs cause pain almost as soon as I begin to walk, I'm exhausted and weak so having my car right outside the door when I finish my shift is a god send.
My first experience of what I can only describe as abuse due to my blue badge and invisible disability came not long after I'd started using it.
A man filmed me getting out of my car and start walking to work. His voice was raised when he aired his views and he was aggressive towards me. He told me that I wasn't disabled, that I was putting on a limp and that he was going to report me to my manager and the council to get my badge taken off of me (no action was taken as far as I'm aware).
Obviously I was very shook up, but the adrenaline kicked in and I basically told him he could do what he liked as he knew nothing about my disability and that I was entitled to the space I was parked in.
Let me tell you now that this guy got out of his car quicker than I could and was steadier on his feet than I was!!
I remember walking to the building I was working in and ringing my partner. The exact words I said to him were "it's hard enough living with it (fibro) without being abused by people who know nothing about my condition".
I still to this day refuse to use my badge if I feel I can walk a certain distance. If my pain is minimal and I have to nip to the shops for a few bits, I will park slightly further away from the disabled spots as I know there are many people that will need them more than I will on that particular day. I am however still entitled to that spot.
A year ago I could walk for miles, go to the gym and generally live like a normal person, these days I struggle to get up the stairs in my own house. Now, my legs seize up so often that there's been times I've considered sitting down in the middle of the street to relieve the pain.
It's a tough decision applying for a blue badge. It is admitting that you need help (something I'm not very good at!!). I'm grateful for mine as it saves me some pain and exhaustion. I just wish more people were considerate when it comes to blue badges and disabilities in general.
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