Revealing that you have a mental health issue or condition is tough as it is due to the stigma surrounding these conditions.
I feel as though people are scared of mental health issues and would rather ignore the issue than talk about it and try to understand. Its also difficult as although we may want to ask the difficult questions, most of the time we daren't in case we cause offence or upset the sufferer.
Here are some of my frequently asked and favourite questions I'm asked a lot about my condition.
What is BPD?
Borderline Personality Disorder (or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder) is a mental illness/condition that causes abnormal behavior characterized by unstable relationships with other people, unstable sense of self, and very unstable emotions.
It is thought that BPD is a break between connections in the brain caused by trauma, negative experiences, genetics and personality/character traits.
Childhood trauma such as sexual, emotional, or physical abuse also play a part to the onset of borderline personality disorder
How would you describe BPD in your own words?
It's a roller coaster that never stops.
As a BPD, you experience life in black and white; there are no gray areas. You feel every emotion to its fullest; extreme highs and extreme lows are daily occurrences.
Its 100% frustrating. People fear us BPD sufferers due to negative portraits of us depicted in films, music and a whole range of media and take that information as gospel.
Its hard to make plans in advance as you never know how well you'll be doing from one hour to the next, let alone one day, week or month to the next.
It's almost as if we have a protective layer of skin missing. Everything that we experience is raw and intense.
You can read as much as you want about the condition and attend as much therapy as you can but most of the time you'll never pinpoint exactly where the issues started.
What are the symptoms of BPD?
The list of symptoms could go on forever. These are the key identifiers:
It is thought that BPD is a break between connections in the brain caused by trauma, negative experiences, genetics and personality/character traits.
Childhood trauma such as sexual, emotional, or physical abuse also play a part to the onset of borderline personality disorder
How would you describe BPD in your own words?
It's a roller coaster that never stops.
As a BPD, you experience life in black and white; there are no gray areas. You feel every emotion to its fullest; extreme highs and extreme lows are daily occurrences.
Its 100% frustrating. People fear us BPD sufferers due to negative portraits of us depicted in films, music and a whole range of media and take that information as gospel.
Its hard to make plans in advance as you never know how well you'll be doing from one hour to the next, let alone one day, week or month to the next.
It's almost as if we have a protective layer of skin missing. Everything that we experience is raw and intense.
You can read as much as you want about the condition and attend as much therapy as you can but most of the time you'll never pinpoint exactly where the issues started.
What are the symptoms of BPD?
The list of symptoms could go on forever. These are the key identifiers:
- A disturbed sense of identity.
- Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment and extreme reactions to such.
- Splitting ("black-and-white" thinking) there are no gray areas with BPD sufferers.
- Impulsivity and impulsive or dangerous behaviours i.e. alcohol and drug abuse, self harm, promiscuity.
- Intense or uncontrollable emotional reactions that often seem disproportionate to the event or situation.
- Unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships.
- Self-damaging behavior.
- Distorted self-image.
- Dissociation.
- Perfectionism.
- Frequently accompanied by depression, anxiety, anger, substance abuse, or rage.
- Suicidal thoughts and behaviour.
When did you start showing symptoms?
I had my first panic attack at age 16. I had recently started back at my school after the summer holidays to start my 6th form A level education; from this point it was a very slippery slope down into the depths of depression and other BPD symptoms. That being said, I personally feel that I have had BPD from a much younger age; I suffered from extremely low self esteem from around 8 years old, I was a very anxious child (I wouldn't speak to anybody but my family), I had great difficulty making friends at school (from the age of 4 until about 11/12 I was always quite a loner) and many other emotional and communication issue symptoms.
How did you get it?
I don't know. Nobody knows. Factors can include faulty brain connections, genetic, environmental, and social elements. My therapists and psychiatric doctors over the years have suspected that my father leaving my mother when I was 8 years old was the starting point and further stress and trauma throughout my life added to this. Again, I personally feel there were signs earlier on seeing as I had trouble forming relationships and had emotional issues from a junior school age.
Is there a cure?
Not that I believe. There is no magic pill that I can swallow that makes me behave and think like an 'average person'. I wish there was! There are many treatment plans for BPD, all of which are to help the patient to cope and to live with their illness rather than cure it.
What is the treatment?
My personal treatment for BPD is a mixture of antidepressants, counselling/psychiatric care, cognitive behavioral therapy and group therapy. There are very few options to treat BPD and all of which will not be a cure; they're simply put in place to help the patient to manage the condition and gain a somewhat 'normal' lifestyle.
My personal treatment for BPD is a mixture of antidepressants, counselling/psychiatric care, cognitive behavioral therapy and group therapy. There are very few options to treat BPD and all of which will not be a cure; they're simply put in place to help the patient to manage the condition and gain a somewhat 'normal' lifestyle.
How long did you wait for a diagnosis?
Years!! I think I was about 20 when I was diagnosed and considering I had been showing severe symptoms since the age of 16, it was definitely 4 or more years. I had been having the more severe/destructive symptoms of BPD for around 3 years when I got an 'official' diagnosis, before this, I had been labelled as every other 'diagnosis' under the sun. I've heard from many healthcare professionals that a person cannot be diagnosed with BPD until they are at least 18, however there seems to be different rules for different areas and varies between different medical professionals.
Have you ever self harmed?
In short, yes. I began self harming (unknowingly) from my early teens. This would include banging my head against walls, sticking my nails into my skin and pulling at my hair. I didn't self harm seriously (cutting/burning) until I was around the age of 17.
Who is most likely to get BPD?
There are 3 times more females than males diagnosed with BPD and of those, the vast majority began showing symptoms between the ages of 13-25. Studies show that 5.9% of the general population have BPD. This condition can happen to anybody regardless of gender, race or age.
It is thought that people who have BPD are more likely to have family members with BPD or similar mental health conditions (no formal scientific evidence has proven this at present).
How did your family react to your diagnosis?
By the time I had an official diagnosis, my family had lived with my symptoms for around 4 years, so to have a name for these symptoms didn't make much of a difference. The most positive part for them was that they could now look into my condition and find ways they could help and could learn and understand why I was behaving the way I did.
How many personalities do you have?
One. Of of the biggest misconceptions about BPD is that sufferers have multiple personalities. We have one personality and experience the same emotions that healthy mental health people do.
Are you able to work with BPD?
I personally can work with my condition at present. This is not to say that one day I may not be able to. My employers know that I have a mental health condition however I have been advised by medical professionals not to disclose my diagnosis as BPD is still very much a misunderstood condition that carries a negative stigma.
Many people suffer so badly that they cant get out of bed in the mornings, that they cannot bring themselves to wash, get dressed or eat; this obviously makes holding down a job difficult practically. There is also the anxiety, relationship, communication and behavioural issues that make working life difficult. For someone with BPD, when all symptoms are put together with the stressors of a job, working life is a extremely negative and sometimes impossible experience for sufferers.
What negatives have come from your BPD?
Most of the symptoms and behaviours of this condition I would regard negative as they impact my life daily. The biggest negative for me is that people misjudge me due to the negative symptoms that are portrayed in media and on online BPD 'information' pages.
Something I hate about telling people I have BPD is that many people do a runner without giving me the chance to explain or for them to get to know me.
Films, newspapers, TV dramas and Facebook posts all depict people with BPD to be manipulative, heartless, dangerous beings.
When people get to know me post being told about my diagnosis, they are often very surprised by my kindness, my honesty and my morals.
We don't go around killing innocent animals like the internet would have you believe.
It has also been incredibly frustrating throughout my young adult years. I have missed out on so many opportunities and memories because my condition has held me back. My friends were all of having the time of their lives before adulthood and responsibility came along; I was usually at home by myself too afraid to join them or in therapy that was necessary for my recovery.
Do you feel there are positives of having BPD?
Obviously I wish that BPD didn't exist. It is a horrible life limiting condition that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy however I have found that there are a few positives to the condition.
Due to the perfectionism trait that comes with a BPD mindset, I am determined to achieve perfection, particularly in the things I enjoy. My art and photography in particular is something that my BPD has improved due to this trait.
However this perfectionism can be a negative because I can become so fixated on achieving perfect that my emotions go into overdrive and can lead to a frustration melt down.
Another positive is that although I find it difficult to make friends, having BPD has meant that I only have a small circle of friends; all of which have supported me and tried to understand my condition as best they can over the years.
Do you have any triggers?
My biggest trigger without a doubt is abandonment.
To be completely honest, a lot of things that usually wouldn't bother 'normal' people bother me. I cant count the amount of times that I have gone into a full blown melt down because somebody has given me constructive criticism or raised their voice to me.
It can be the simple things, like somebody giving you a 'look' or not replying to your text message. All of these small and daily scenarios can feel like the end of the world to somebody with BPD.
How can somebody help if you're in a crisis or have a panic attack?
For me when i'm in a panic attack, its for the person I'm with to stay calm and be able to take me out of the situation that's causing distress.
Its particularly unhelpful if the person you are with becomes frantic as this increases the panic attack.
When people say 'there's nothing to be afraid of', this shows that they do not understand anxiety - the fear of somebody with anxiety comes from nowhere and most of the time is caused by 'normal' situations.
If I am in a particularly low place, it is helpful for me to talk to somebody about it. Between us we can break down the reasons i feel so low and make plans to overcome the issues causing the mood.
What could the government do to improve your condition?
Firstly they need to pump more money into the NHS mental health care system instead of taking it away pound by pound.
It has become increasingly difficult over the past few years for those suffering with mental health to access benefits. You have to jump hurdles to prove that you are unwell, as well as being labeled as lazy and a sponger for seeking help financially - this is detrimental for our health and self esteem.
The sanctions for missing DWP signing on days or meetings should be more lenient for people with BPD and other mental health conditions. It can be a struggle for somebody with MH to get out of bed on a day to day basis or maybe their anxiety strikes and they cannot leave their home; this shouldn't be seen as a reason for financial discipline.
There needs to be some form of financial system set up, specifically targeted at people with mental health issues.
Personally I feel that a lot of people with BPD and other mental health conditions would benefit with an Emotional Support Animal (ESA). The UK government at present doesn't recognise ESA's as a mental health tool. I cannot tell you how more relaxed being around my dog makes me; to be able to take him with me on my daily travels would improve my life dramatically and I feel a lot of other MH sufferers would benefit from this as well.
There are so many things I wanted to put in this post however I didn't want you lovely readers to be bored or to repeat questions and answers that have been discussed a million times. Want to ask me more? Feel free to drop a comment at the bottom of this post, or send me an email if preferred!!
For more information on BPD you can visit the following links:
Wikipedia
Mind
NHS
Useful telephone numbers and information below:
Years!! I think I was about 20 when I was diagnosed and considering I had been showing severe symptoms since the age of 16, it was definitely 4 or more years. I had been having the more severe/destructive symptoms of BPD for around 3 years when I got an 'official' diagnosis, before this, I had been labelled as every other 'diagnosis' under the sun. I've heard from many healthcare professionals that a person cannot be diagnosed with BPD until they are at least 18, however there seems to be different rules for different areas and varies between different medical professionals.
Have you ever self harmed?
In short, yes. I began self harming (unknowingly) from my early teens. This would include banging my head against walls, sticking my nails into my skin and pulling at my hair. I didn't self harm seriously (cutting/burning) until I was around the age of 17.
Who is most likely to get BPD?
There are 3 times more females than males diagnosed with BPD and of those, the vast majority began showing symptoms between the ages of 13-25. Studies show that 5.9% of the general population have BPD. This condition can happen to anybody regardless of gender, race or age.
It is thought that people who have BPD are more likely to have family members with BPD or similar mental health conditions (no formal scientific evidence has proven this at present).
How did your family react to your diagnosis?
By the time I had an official diagnosis, my family had lived with my symptoms for around 4 years, so to have a name for these symptoms didn't make much of a difference. The most positive part for them was that they could now look into my condition and find ways they could help and could learn and understand why I was behaving the way I did.
How many personalities do you have?
One. Of of the biggest misconceptions about BPD is that sufferers have multiple personalities. We have one personality and experience the same emotions that healthy mental health people do.
Are you able to work with BPD?
I personally can work with my condition at present. This is not to say that one day I may not be able to. My employers know that I have a mental health condition however I have been advised by medical professionals not to disclose my diagnosis as BPD is still very much a misunderstood condition that carries a negative stigma.
Many people suffer so badly that they cant get out of bed in the mornings, that they cannot bring themselves to wash, get dressed or eat; this obviously makes holding down a job difficult practically. There is also the anxiety, relationship, communication and behavioural issues that make working life difficult. For someone with BPD, when all symptoms are put together with the stressors of a job, working life is a extremely negative and sometimes impossible experience for sufferers.
What negatives have come from your BPD?
Most of the symptoms and behaviours of this condition I would regard negative as they impact my life daily. The biggest negative for me is that people misjudge me due to the negative symptoms that are portrayed in media and on online BPD 'information' pages.
Something I hate about telling people I have BPD is that many people do a runner without giving me the chance to explain or for them to get to know me.
Films, newspapers, TV dramas and Facebook posts all depict people with BPD to be manipulative, heartless, dangerous beings.
When people get to know me post being told about my diagnosis, they are often very surprised by my kindness, my honesty and my morals.
We don't go around killing innocent animals like the internet would have you believe.
It has also been incredibly frustrating throughout my young adult years. I have missed out on so many opportunities and memories because my condition has held me back. My friends were all of having the time of their lives before adulthood and responsibility came along; I was usually at home by myself too afraid to join them or in therapy that was necessary for my recovery.
Do you feel there are positives of having BPD?
Obviously I wish that BPD didn't exist. It is a horrible life limiting condition that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy however I have found that there are a few positives to the condition.
Due to the perfectionism trait that comes with a BPD mindset, I am determined to achieve perfection, particularly in the things I enjoy. My art and photography in particular is something that my BPD has improved due to this trait.
However this perfectionism can be a negative because I can become so fixated on achieving perfect that my emotions go into overdrive and can lead to a frustration melt down.
Another positive is that although I find it difficult to make friends, having BPD has meant that I only have a small circle of friends; all of which have supported me and tried to understand my condition as best they can over the years.
Do you have any triggers?
My biggest trigger without a doubt is abandonment.
To be completely honest, a lot of things that usually wouldn't bother 'normal' people bother me. I cant count the amount of times that I have gone into a full blown melt down because somebody has given me constructive criticism or raised their voice to me.
It can be the simple things, like somebody giving you a 'look' or not replying to your text message. All of these small and daily scenarios can feel like the end of the world to somebody with BPD.
How can somebody help if you're in a crisis or have a panic attack?
For me when i'm in a panic attack, its for the person I'm with to stay calm and be able to take me out of the situation that's causing distress.
Its particularly unhelpful if the person you are with becomes frantic as this increases the panic attack.
When people say 'there's nothing to be afraid of', this shows that they do not understand anxiety - the fear of somebody with anxiety comes from nowhere and most of the time is caused by 'normal' situations.
If I am in a particularly low place, it is helpful for me to talk to somebody about it. Between us we can break down the reasons i feel so low and make plans to overcome the issues causing the mood.
What could the government do to improve your condition?
Firstly they need to pump more money into the NHS mental health care system instead of taking it away pound by pound.
It has become increasingly difficult over the past few years for those suffering with mental health to access benefits. You have to jump hurdles to prove that you are unwell, as well as being labeled as lazy and a sponger for seeking help financially - this is detrimental for our health and self esteem.
The sanctions for missing DWP signing on days or meetings should be more lenient for people with BPD and other mental health conditions. It can be a struggle for somebody with MH to get out of bed on a day to day basis or maybe their anxiety strikes and they cannot leave their home; this shouldn't be seen as a reason for financial discipline.
There needs to be some form of financial system set up, specifically targeted at people with mental health issues.
Personally I feel that a lot of people with BPD and other mental health conditions would benefit with an Emotional Support Animal (ESA). The UK government at present doesn't recognise ESA's as a mental health tool. I cannot tell you how more relaxed being around my dog makes me; to be able to take him with me on my daily travels would improve my life dramatically and I feel a lot of other MH sufferers would benefit from this as well.
There are so many things I wanted to put in this post however I didn't want you lovely readers to be bored or to repeat questions and answers that have been discussed a million times. Want to ask me more? Feel free to drop a comment at the bottom of this post, or send me an email if preferred!!
For more information on BPD you can visit the following links:
Wikipedia
Mind
NHS
Useful telephone numbers and information below:
- If your life or lives of others are at immediate risk, please call 999.
- If you're interested in finding out more about mental health and the different types, symptoms and advice, visit www.mind.org.uk
- For advice and helplines dedicated to your area visit Rethink Mental Illness here.
- The Samaritans have a 24/7 365 days of the year free telephone service for anybody who needs to talk about mental health: 116 123.
- You can find other methods of contacting a service for advice or support here.
- For mental health training and first aid visit MHFA here.
- You can speak to your GP about mental health within working hours. Outside of these hours you can ring 111.
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