Relationships for somebody who is suffering from mental health issues can seem near impossible for the person suffering particularly if your condition makes building and maintaining relationships difficult.
I'm not just talking about romantic relationships; mental health can effect your family relationships, friendships and working relationships to name just a few.
Research shows that people who are more socially connected to family, friends, partner or their community are happier, physically healthier and live longer. It is also a big part of healthy mental health to have relationships, which is why relationships are important to discuss during this mental health awareness week.
I hand on heart believe that honesty is the best policy when it comes to raising the subject of your mental health with people you engage in socialisation with. The truth is, not everybody is brave enough or understanding enough to stick around when it comes to having a relationship with a mental health sufferer. This is a flaw with those people and not yourself.
You'll find that forming relationships with mental health issues or with somebody who has mental issues may take far longer to form than the norm.
Over time these people you invite into your lives will learn to understand as much as they can about your condition, they'll also learn about your triggers, behaviours and how best to help you in times of crisis.
Family
Your family will probably know a lot about your mental health issues/condition if you have grown up with mental health issues or are living at your parents home at the time of diagnosis/on set of symptoms.
If they aren't as involved in your life or you no longer live with your parents, it is important for you to introduce the subject when you feel ready. Their love and support will be crucial along your mental health journey and will also help you to recover.
Unless they have suffered similar conditions, they will find it very difficult to understand at first. You can pick up free information brochures from most GP surgeries, hospitals and mental health organisations. If these brochures aren't readily available in your area, a good place to start would be to direct them to the NHS website to look into the symptoms and treatments you're going through.
The chances are, you'll go through hell together with your family at some point because of mental health. The more they know, the more they can help out and find useful resources that will aid your recovery.
Friends
Friendship is a tricky relationship for people with mental health issues. If you are a young child growing up with mental health, you can expect almost all of your peers to have no idea how mental health impacts your daily life... your parents might not even be aware of your symptoms and therefore children are simply labeled as 'different' or 'difficult' by peers.
The teenage years will be equally as frustrating for everybody involved. Not only do your mental health issues arise at times, but it can be fueled by teenage emotions/hormones.
Most teenagers are desperate to fit in and having a mental health condition can effectively make you the odd one out.
I cannot count the amount of fall outs i had at school due to my own mental health issues and the lack of understanding from my peers. Fortunately over time stronger more understanding friendships were formed and my school life was fairly stable.
The bonus of managing to form these strong friendships is that they provide the confidence to talk to somebody of a similar age about different subjects, most of which young adults feel they can't talk to their parents about. People with mental health issues will also find within their friends that they arent so different at all; that they've all been through similar experiences and all contain the same emotions.
Many of these strong friendships formed in the teen/young adult years will survive many years into adulthood.
Again many adults with mental health issues will struggle to form lasting friendships due to symptoms and behaviours. Many of them will go from workplace to workplace to escape the turbulent 'friendships' they have made within their working lives.
On a social level adults with mental health issues risk being excluded for their issues. Many will find that socialising is too difficult at points and find that their communication between friends will start to decrease. You are going to constantly make excuses as to why you 'cant go to that party' because you're too anxious or you're just not in the best of moods. Your true supportive relations will understand this and not expect you to show your face to every invitation; they'll also keep inviting you no-matter how many times you make an excuse.
Romantic partners
Its not all fun and games with romantic relationships either. My mother always said 'you need to love yourself before anybody will be able to love you' and i'm telling you now that this is the biggest load of nonsense I've ever heard. Finding love with mental health issues makes your search for 'the one' seem far more difficult than the romances you see appearing around you from people of a similar age.
Research shows that 60% of people suffering with mental health issues see an improvement of their symptoms when they are in healthy romantic relationships.
When it comes to finding romance, you may ask when to tell the other person about your condition/diagnosis, and the answer is never clear cut. Obviously if you're meeting this person in the earlier days, you may show signs of anxiety or communication issues very early on; use this as a window of opportunity to get some of the details out in the open.
As with any relationship, some people won't stick around to get to know you. This is more than likely due to a personality and chemistry thing than because they've been made aware that you have a mental health condition. Of course there will always be those people who will straight up tell you they don't want a relationship with someone with mental health issues - that's their loss and down to their ignorance to mental health in general.
It is difficult for a mental health sufferer to trust other people, they can have trouble with reading signs/body language, become obsessive, communicate differently and generally struggle with interacting with other people. All of these symptoms ease as a relationship grows - its all about finding somebody who is willing to grow through the bad patches with you.
Romantic relationships that are more developed also experience romantic issues due to mental health. You will drive each other insane multiple times and I am well aware that I personally am a nightmare to live with. We expect our other halves to be mind-readers most of the time, we nit pick, have trust issues, mood swings and often abuse our own bodies. You'll soon come to understand that the viewer of this behavior may lash out or start an argument due to the frustration of them not being 'enough' to help you through it. Again, over time, these people will learn about your triggers and find ways to help you in these moments of crisis.
My general rules for relationships and mental health:
- Setting boundaries with all of the people around you is vital. There will then be far less incidents when the subject of mental health arises in the future.
- It is important to laugh about your condition and the symptoms when you feel able to with your friends, family or partner. Nothing is scarier for them than being afraid to say something that may cause tension and/or upset you. But it is also important that they know when a little light hearted fun shouldn't even be considered.
- Let the people around you know when enough is enough. Sometimes you quivering in the corner isn't a big enough sign that you need to escape certain situations - Its okay to leave. Having a 'safe word' may help to keep your panic discreet with others in a group.
- Put as much effort as you possibly can into every relationship. When people walk away, you'll know you couldn't have done more.
Mental health and relationships is not about the numbers, its about the quality of support and understanding from the people surrounding the person with mental health issues; even if its just one person you can rely on.
Again, here are some useful numbers and information pages:
- If your life or lives of others are at immediate risk, please call 999.
- If you're interested in finding out more about mental health and the different types, symptoms and advice, visit www.mind.org.uk.
- For advice and helplines dedicated to your area visit Rethink Mental Illness here.
- The Samaritans have a 24/7 365 days of the year free telephone service for anybody who needs to talk about mental health: 116 123.
- You can find other methods of contacting a service for advice or support here.
- For mental health training and first aid visit MHFA here.
- You can speak to your GP about mental health within working hours. Outside of these hours you can ring 111.
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